I woke up this morning with a heaviness on my heart - like a gray cloud over my Spirit. I've tried asking my Self: What is this? Is there something I am avoiding? Some "thing" I need to do? A few ideas popped into my head. I've prayed. I've quieted my mind. I've dropped into my body to feel the sensations. But this "thing" is still there. So I decided to write about it.
There are times in life when a hiccup comes along, when I feel fear, sadness, jealousy, loneliness and disconnected. These are feelings all of us experience at some point in our lives. At one time in my life I would've run from the uncomfortableness. I would've thought there was something innately wrong with me and tell myself "I shouldn't feel this way". I would spend money I did not have, binge on Netflix, lie and pretend everything's fine, I'd seek out any and all distractions to prevent myself from digging in and riding the wave of this human experience - even if that meant causing harm to my financial and spiritual state. I just didn't care. The new clothes, makeup and furniture allowed me to feel worthy of love - like I belonged and was no longer an outsider. It prevented me from feeling the pain inside - the lack of connection to my Source. I was constantly seeking externally...watching spiritual Youtube videos, reading inspirational self-help books - anything to tell me I was "good". I was the yogi, the meditator and "oh so spiritual" even though I was denying my Self of who I really am.
Then one day I stopped and asked my Self "what is all of this?" "Who are you, REALLY?" I'm not my job, the clothes I wear, the car I drive or even my name. I am who I am. Meaning, I am a Soul, I am the essence of which my Higher Power created with gifts and talents no one else has. I have a Life Purpose to serve others. I get to use those gifts my God gave to me with humility and grace.
So even if I have a day when my heart is heavy, I'm okay with that. The thing is, I'm human. I have thoughts. I have feelings. I simply can't expect to feel great every single day. When those times come, I have a Solution. I no longer need to run, hide, distract myself through shopping or self-medicate. Instead, I pause and tap into my Source using this 4-step process I created: 1. Recognize 2. Remember 3. Relish 4. Release.
I know the Universe has my back so anything that comes up for me, I know I'm not alone. Every experience I have I get to share with another - offering them strength and hope by telling them how I flourished through it.
My Desire is if you've identified with the words I wrote you too will find within a deep knowing of how Magnificent you really are. The peace that comes with this knowingness is life changing.